Incriminating Evidence
by Morrisburger
Summary: Lily Evans is blackmailed by everyone’s favorite bad boy, Sirius Black. What does he have to make the ever studious and rule abiding Prefect sweat? Why, her sordid collection of her selfauthored erotic fiction, of course.
1. Chapter 1

I own nothing from the Harry Potter Universe

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Sirius Black was astonished. Astounded. Incredulous.

And to be perfectly honest, a little turned on.

As his fingers quickly turned the pages of the old, battered, notebook sitting on his lap, his mouth first gaped in surprise, then widened into an appreciative smirk as his eyes devoured the naughty writings in front of him. Slowly closing the notebook, he ran a calloused hand over his handsome features as a bark of laughter escaped his beautiful mouth.

Lily Evans, prude extraordinaire, wrote erotica. More importantly, Lily Evans, the walking chastity belt, wrote _hot _erotica.

Another bark of hilarity fled his lips as the events responsible for this priceless tidbit of knowledge replayed in his mind.

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_Sirius Black smirked beneath the anonymity provided by his best friend's, James Potter, invisibility cloak. His gaze drifted lazily over the few students strewn about the library as he waited for his opportunity to strike. Twenty minutes, that was how long he had lost, languishing beneath the slippery material of the cloak, waiting for his chance to return the tome he and his friends had 'borrowed' from the Restricted Section of the library. Gazing longingly at the sun shining brightly through the dust filled air of the library, he wondered irritatingly why anyone would waste away their day in this den of ennui when there was mischief and mayhem just waiting to be executed. Letting out a soft snort of aversion, he answered his own question: They were losers, every last one of them. Ten feet to his right sat the group of Ravenclaws, their backs hunched over their parchments and tomes, their hands scribbling furiously over the pages. They were pitiable, every last one of them. Well, perhaps not Winifred Blanders, but that was only 'cause she had a nice rack. _

_Then there was the small group of Hufflepuffs bemoaning their lack of mental acumen on the other side of the room. Honestly, what poor blighter couldn't brew a Cleverness Concoction? _

_Ahhhh… And then there was the redhead chick… Evans or something, the one Prongs was always bitching about. Sirius rolled his eyes as he was reminded off all the times his best mate would harp on and on about 'pretentious' and 'priggish' Evans. Whenever he was subjected to yet another Evans rant, both he and Moony would roll their eyes at each other and secretly snigger at their friend's ill-concealed infatuation. They both knew that when their friend yelled out "Evans, I don't know if you noticed, but your wand is lodged up your arse," he really meant "Evans, I'm madly in lust with you. Please jump my bones." What a bloody wanker. A great friend, but a bloody wanker (when it came to Evans)._

_Sirius was abruptly ripped from his musings as he heard the table of Ravenclaws pack up their parchment. Thank gods, he had started to think their arses had grown roots to the wooden seats. Quickly taking the occasion presented by the noise of their mass exodus, he dexterously replaced the purloined copy of 'Charms for the Criminally Deviant' and made his way away from the Restricted Section, careful not to raise any suspicion. In fact, he was so concentrated on not being seen by the small group of Hufflepuffs that he could barely contain his gasp of shock as his foot became ensnared by the long strap of Evans' bag lying pooled on the floor. Letting out and barely audible 'Shite', he cursed a second time as the contents of the bag rolled out onto the highly polished wood floor. Holding his breath slightly, he quickly glanced to his right, fully prepared to Obliviate Evans, only to find her conveniently gone. Her bright hair was visible across the room, where she was engaged in quiet conversation with the librarian. Smiling at his good luck, he went to continue his getaway when something caught his eye. Beneath a few broken quills and an old bottle of ink that had fallen from Evans' bag, lay a notebook that had a funny little lock on it. Sirius' eyebrows creased slightly as he wondered what boring ol' Evans could possibly need a locked notebook for…_

_Without even a fleeting feeling of guilt, he snatched up the book and made his way for the door…_

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Lily Evans gaped at the small pile of her belongings strewn about the floor of her workspace. Blinking her eyes dumbly, her gaze wandered over the broken quills, the old bottle of ink, and an old gum wrapper she had been too lazy to throw away.

But no notebook.

It was gone.

Vanished!

Slamming her eyes shut and attempting to stave off hyperventilating, Lily Evans swallowed convulsively. Had someone taken it? No. No, of course not. She must have left it somewhere. Jerking herself violently from her stupor, she clamored to stuff her meager belongings into her old leather satchel.

The Common Room, she must have left it in the Common Room!

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Sirius laughed as his friend, Remus Lupin, known as Moony to his friends, finished telling him the dirty joke he had picked up from another sixth year student. Indolently resting his leg on the table in front of the Common Room couch, Sirius flicked his long, shiny hair from out of his striking eyes as he grinned, both at his friend's joke and the surprising event of the day. Before he had joined his friends in front of the roaring fire in the Common Room, he had first quickly hidden the pilfered notebook in his trunk. Still quite astounded at the revelation of Evans' hitherto undiscovered depravity, he had decided to conceal the disclosure for a while, eager to see the redhead squirm.

Torn from his amusing thoughts suddenly as the portrait to the Gryffindor Common Room slammed open, he could barely contain his mirth as the normally stoic and composed Lily Evans tore through the room, frantically checking under couch cushions and inspecting the floor beneath the furniture.

"Wha… Look at Evans, she looks like she has the devil on her tail." Remus said quietly, cocking his head to the side in contemplation of the girl's startling behavior.

Glancing to his left, he chuckled slightly at the glazed look on his other friend's, James, face as he took in Evans' tousled state.

Not one to let an opportunity to tease Lily pass, James spoke up. "Evans, you look right hassled. Did you lose your sanity as well as your pride when I trounced you on the last Transfiguration test?"

Rearing her head at the sound of her most loathed tormenter 's voice, her eyes widened at being caught in such a state by the most popular boys in school, as if they needed more ammo to mock her with.

"Don't be an idiot, Prongs," Remus piped up, "She's probably got her knickers in a knot because she's finally realized that it was you who put that itching powder in her shoes last week."

"Ah, yes," James said, smiling at the reminder of one of his many Lily-pranks, "That was quite inspired…"

"Oooh, shut up! The both of you, just shut up!" Lily said, not needing a reminder of last week's agony on top of the trauma of losing her notebook of naughty writing.

"Methinks we've angered the beast," Sirius said, smiling at her wail of anger.

Ignoring their jibes, she continued her frantic search, growing more desperate with each passing moment.

"What'd you lose?" Peter asked, speaking up for the first time.

"I hope it wasn't your Transfiguration essay," James said, his eyes following the sway of her backside as she struggled to check under one of the free-standing bookshelves, "You can't afford any slip-ups in that one." He loved to tease her about Transfiguration, it made him go all tingly when she glared at him.

"Don't be absurd, Prongs," Sirius said, "Evans losing homework? Why, she would just as likely make the quidditch team, or tell Flitwick to shove it, or… write erotica."

Lily stilled her frantic movements as Sirius' words washed over her. Turning slowly, her eyes widened in horror as she saw Sirius' mouth twist in devilish satisfaction.

Oh gods.

No.

Please, not him.

ANYONE but him.


	2. Chapter 2

I own nothing from the Harry Potter Universe

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Lily slowly extricated herself from beneath the bookcase she had been inspecting and stared at Sirius Black. Swallowing convulsively, she pursed her lips as she returned his devilish stare with an icy glare worthy of even the reputable Professor McGonagall.

"Well, boys," Sirius said, stretching his hands above his head, "Whaddya say to a quick game of quidditch down on the pitch? We can leave the lovely Miss Evans to her insane rampage against the evil couch cushions and malevolent bookcases."

"Wait!" Lily yelled without warning. Feeling decidedly panicked, she ran a hand through her tangled red hair as the boys concurrently turned towards her, their eyebrows all similarly arched. "Uh, Black, I was supposed to talk to you. You know, about the… the Arithmancy project." Feeling quite proud of herself for remembering the only class she shared with Black without the rest of his marauding counterparts, she tossed her hair behind her back and fixed him with a no-nonsense frown.

He laughed at her.

"Well, lads, the beast beckons. I'll meet up with you at the pitch. At least, as long as she doesn't wither me with her fearsome gaze, first." Sirius doffed his imaginary hat at his friends and walked jauntily over to the fuming redhead. Whistling cheerfully as his friends excited the portrait hole, he turned to face his adversary.

"So, Lillian, how may I be of service? Considering we have no such project, I assume you lured me away with your seductive wiles for another reason?"

"Firstly, my name is not Lillian, you wretched little Neanderthal. Secondly, you know exactly why I need to speak with you."

Pasting a look of complete surprise on his striking face, Sirius gasped in astonishment. "Why, dearest Lillian, I am all aflutter to be let in on the little secret."

"Cut the shite, Black," Lily said, her atypical curse word drawing a smirk of approval from Sirius, "You have something of mine, and you will now proceed to give it back."

"Why, _Lillian, _I am at a loss. Perhaps you should be more specific, how about you _describe _this lost possession? Hmm? Perchance you could do a rendition? A memorized reading? No? Alright, I suppose I shall… _Gwyneth shuddered as Damien ran his calloused hand up her untouched thigh. Shuddering at the fierce sensations her most loathed enemy was evoking, she bit her lip to stave off a hungry moan as—_ Ow! Woman, that hurt!"

Lily wrung her hand out lightly, glad that she had slapped Black's debauched smirk of his face. "You listen here, you inbred browbeater," Lily whispered menacingly, grabbing his school tie and pulling his head down to her eye-level, eliciting yet another smirk from her foe, "You will march over to wherever you have concealed my notebook, and you shall return it to me. Once this has been accomplished, you shall go back to ignoring my presence and pray that I do not seek retribution. Is that understood?"

Sirius let out a low wolf whistle. "Wow, Lils, that was hot. Seriously, I almost bought it. Better luck next time."

"Grr!" Lily growled, raising her hand to slap him once again, only to have her attempt thwarted by her opponent.

"Now, Lillian, when attempting to blackmail a chosen victim, one must first have proof of a wrongdoing. Now, have you said proof?"

"I don't need—"

"Ah ah ahh, dearest, a simple 'no' would have sufficed. Now, in my position, I do have something of certain value, therefore, I am the one in this intimate little tête-à-tête that can do the demanding. So, shall I begin?"

"You are one sick bastar—"

"Now, now, lovely Lily, is that any way to speak to your better?"

"You are not my better, Black, in fact, you are—"

"Really, Lillian, you must reign in your sharp tongue, from now on, you shall only speak civil words in my presence."

"I'll show you civil, you little—"

"Alright, Lillian, you leave me little choice. Would you excuse me? I must go unearth my _Augustas' Amazing Irremovable Adhesive_. It seems I have a notebook to glue to the doors of the Great Hall…"

"You. Wouldn't. Dare." Lily challenged, her eyes narrowing.

"Ah, luv, how little you know me. Of course, I could be persuaded to stay my hand, with a little incentive…"

Scoffing at him, Lily considered her options. "Fine, I'll do your Charms homework till the end of term."

Rolling his eyes at her naivety, he answered. "Evans, I can ace that class with my eyes closed. No dice."

"Well… What, then?"

"Oh… A little favor here, a little errand there…"

Shutting her eyes to stave off her urge to throttle him. She gritted out: "Fine. It's not like I have a choice or anything."

"Fantastic! You won't regret this. Well, that's a lie."

_"_Shut up, Black." Lily said, holding out her hand.

Sirius glanced at it, raising his eyebrow skeptically. BeforeLily could voice her intention, he grasped her hand and shook it in a business-like manner.

"That's swell, Black" Lily said derisively, "But I was actually extending my hand for my notebook back."

"Ah, my naïve diminutive associate. You must realize that you shall only receive payment upon the completion of your favors."

"What! No! I need—"

"Now, now, lil' Red, no need to shout. After all, you _did _shake on it."

"But I—"

"Quiet you. Now, I imagine you have heard through the reputable Hogwarts grapevine that there will be a Hogsmeade trip this weekend? Good. Now, I happen to have a friend whom I would like you to escort…"

Lily's eyes widened in horror. "Oh, no. Please, not him!"

Smiling at her horror, Sirius turned to leave, fully prepared to get the glue from his dorm.

"Fine!" Lily shrieked, willing to take the very Devil to Hogsmeade instead of having her most personal writings made public. The very Devil, or in this case… James Potter.

"Good!" Sirius said briskly, clapping his hands in a satisfied way. "Right then, I shall bid you adieu and take my leave. Ciao." Without a backward glance, he exited the portrait hole, leaving a horrified Lily Evans in his wake.

"Oh gods…" She whispered, smacking her forehead with her palm. "Okay, Lily, this is not the time to panic. When one is dealing with a numbskull, one must think like said numbskull. Where would he have put it…"

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Lily cursed under her breath for the thousandth time from the time when she had snuck into the Marauders' dormitory. Glancing around at the destruction she had wreaked, she sent a brutal kick at the oak bed frame she had just looked under. Since her covert inspection of her enemy's dormitory had commenced an hour ago, she had not come across her notebook, although she had seen enough firewhiskey bottles, prank paraphernalia and pictures of scantily clad women to last her a lifetime or two. _Boys_.

Also, she had deduced that Black had charmed the notebook to be unresponsive to spells, quite an ingenious move. Of course, she would swallow her wand before she would ever admit such a thing out loud.

Suddenly, just as she was contemplating how to pry up the floorboards, she heard the unmistakable sound of raucous laughter approaching the entrance. Bloody hell! Weren't these quidditch games supposed to go on for hours!!!

Speedily looking from side to side, Lily desperately searched for a hiding spot. As the doorknob turned, she panicked and dove over the bed.

"Judas Priest, Prongs, we are going to _flatten _Hufflepuff next match!" She heard Black say. The boys answered with what she could only guess to be approving grunts. Rolling her eyes at their behavior, she held her breath as the racket ceased. Turning her head slightly so to augment her hearing, she gasped loudly when she felt a hand grab her ankle.

"Hmmm… I wonder what Lily Evans foot is doing sticking out from under my bed. Looking for something, dearest?" She heard Sirius' voice ask.

Summoning up her dignity, she slowly extricated herself from his grasp and leapt up, smoothing out her skirt and pushing her hair behind her ears.

"I… fell." She said lamely.

"All the way down the girls' steps then all the way up ours, only to crash through our door and fall under my bed? Hmmm… You'd best get that checked out, luv." Remus said, his disbelieving expression casting doubt on her lame excuse.

"I was… Well, actually, it's a funny story. You see… I had to, well—"

"Wait a minute, Lillian," Sirius interrupted. "Is this about that thing you wanted to ask Prongs? You know, the _real _reason you asked to speak with me before?"

Lily glared at him. No, please not now, not in front of his friends! She silently begged, only to have her unvoiced plea ignored.

Well, it was now or never.

"G-out-w-mmm" She mumbled incoherently, staring at her feet.

"What was that, Lils?" Sirius said, enjoying her discomfort.

"GO TO HOGSMEADE WITH ME JAMES!" She yelled, glaring at her tormentor. "Please." She added as an afterthought.

She may as well have performed a tribal chant in Portuguese standing on her head for all the shock her request garnered. Well, they were all shocked, except Black, obviously.

James blinked stupidly, thinking this must be a trick. Either that, or Lily had been cursed with insanity.

"Well? Is that a 'yes'?" She asked, glaring at James.

"Well, wow, I— well. Yeah! Yeah, of course! Except, you know, only to, you know, mess with you. Obviously." James leaned against the bedpost, hoping to conceal his glee under a mask of indifference.

She stared at him balefully. "Right. Fine. I'm off, then." She announced, hoping for a merciful deity to take pity on her and have the oak flooring swallow her up.

"I'll walk you out." Sirius announced, seeing his friends in too much of a shocked state to protest. Following her out of the room, his long strides barely kept up with the furious pumping of her little legs. As soon as they were out of earshot, he grabbed her arm.

"Well, you weren't exactly the most gracious of actresses, but I will give you points for ingenuity. Surprising us under my bed, that was a total lark"

"Stuff it, Black, you know I was looking for my notebook."

"Yeah, but Prongs doesn't. Did you see his eyes glaze when you asked him out? It was like Christmas had come early."

"Yeah, a whole Hogsmeade trip to ruin little Evans The Dork's life. That's just dandy!" She said, staring straight ahead.

"Uh-hmm" Sirius said non-committedly. Did this girl seriously think Prongs was still pestering her because he disliked her? Such naivety. "Well, anyway, I came out to tell you about the next favor…"

He waited for her to look at him.

"Well?…" She asked, waiting to see what his warped mind would come up with.

"Fret not, my little minion," He assured her, the wicked gleam in his eye contradicting his words. "Just a little note for your upcoming date. Firstly, be civil. Secondly, flirt with him. Thirdly, get dressed up."

She gawked at him. This was going to be a nightmare.

"Cheerio, darling," He said, before turning around and seeking his room. This was going to be great!


	3. Chapter 3

I own nothing from the Harry Potter Universe

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"Evans, is it true? Mandy just said she heard that tall kid from her Charms class telling Samantha Bulstrode that he heard from Julia that she heard from Rita who heard from James that you're James Potter's date for the Hogsmeade trip that weekend? Well? Is it?"

Lily groaned as the well intentioned yet slightly agitating voice of her roommate washed over her. After her disastrously thwarted attempt to recover her notebook and the subsequent asking out of her loathed enemy (well, one of them, it seemed that every time she turned around, she had a new adversary), she had scampered to her room and allowed her embarrassment to sluice over her, like any self-respecting teenager would do. Raising her head from the pillow she had buried it in, her unfocused eyes attempted to center on the pretty blonde girl addressing her.

Emmeline Vance.

Great, that's just great.

Lily attempted to reply but the girl's mouth continued motoring on, oblivious to her effort to respond.

"—and then I said that she shouldn't be such an idiot because there's no way that you would ever go out with someone like him, no matter how gorgeous he was, but then she said that Remus said—"

"Emmeline!" Lily interrupted, eager to stop the flood of words from her bubbly roommate's mouth. "It's true, Potter and I are going out this weekend."

Emmeline's perfectly puckered mouth formed a little 'O' of surprise. And then, much to Lily's surprise, the girl let out a very high pitched squeal of excitement and gave Lily a spontaneous hug. Gaping a little in surprise, Lily awkwardly patted the blonde's back. They had never really been close, although they lived together. It wasn't anything personal, it was just that Emmeline and her friend's flew in different circles than Lily did. Well, not that Lily really had a metaphorical circle to fly in; she kinda stayed to herself a lot of the time, hence her rather unflattering expression of shock at Emmeline's uncharacteristic embrace.

Pulling back suddenly, the blonde continued her gush of words. "That's so awesome! James Potter is _such _a dish! I mean, he's gorgeous! Although, it's kinda weird that he's going out with you, 'cause you're such a nerd, but whatever. This is so great 'cause—"

Lily rolled her eyes at the girl. Although her words were a little insensitive, Lily knew she wasn't meaning to be cruel. Em was just really blunt. It was actually kind of refreshing, compared to some of the girls in the school. Better to be excessively blunt that a backstabbing bitchbag, Lily always thought.

"—he hasn't gone steady with a girl in ages! Not since that überslag, Jocelyn, in third year when he went all '_love 'em and leave 'em'. _You know, the whole school thinks he's hung up on some girl, but he's scared she'll shoot him down, which is such a lark 'cause he's so fab. Any girl in her right mind would snatch him up, except you, of course, but you're just a social glitch." Emmeline continued, curling a blond ringlet around her index finger as if deep in thought.

Lily half smiled as Em carried on with her total recounting of all known gossip concerning the ever popular topic of James Potter and anything Marauder-related. Flopping back into her bulky mound of pillows, she sighed softly and blew a wayward strand of red hair from her eyes. Her forehead creased slightly in a frown as the truth washed over her: this 'date' with James Potter would not only consist of hours of unadulterated torture while she was on it, but it would thrust her front and center into the ever churning pool of Hogwart's gossip.

Bloody hell, she would _murder _that git, Black. Suddenly realizing that Em had announced that she needed to go affirm the juiciest piece of Hogwarts gossip of the week, Lily remembered something:

_"Fret not, my little minion," Sirius Black assured her, the wicked gleam in his eye contradicting his words. "Just a little note for your upcoming date. Firstly, be civil. Secondly, flirt with him. **Thirdly, get dressed up**."_

"Wait!" Lily yelped, watching Em retreat from the dorm. Observing her roommate turn towards her expectantly, Lily cursed herself for having been reduced to this. "Look, I'm really sorry, but… This whole 'girl thing' really isn't my thing, and I was thinking, well, hoping, actually, that you could… you might be able to… help me. Y'know, with this whole getting all dressed up thing." Lily mumbled, hoping her eardrums wouldn't be liquefied by yet another round of squealing.

She was sadly mistaken.

"Of course, Lily! You know I've been simply _dieing _to get you to do something with that tangled mane of stuff you call hair! And those nails! Not to mention all those sweatpants you insist on wearing!" Smiling at Lily in an almost manic way, Em skipped away, ginning like a cat that caught the canary. "This will be so much fun!" She tossed over her shoulder.

Lily stared at the retreating figure, and then collapsed back on her bed.

"Oh yeah, _sooooooo _much fun." Lily groaned, cursing Black, Potter, and pretty much the entire universe.

"I like my sweatpants…" She murmured to herself as an afterthought.

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_**Saturday morning**_

Lily's eyes widened in horror at the implements of torment methodically ordered in front of her. _Oh, gods, what have I gotten myself into?_ She mused, her gaze fixed on something that looked like a sinister piece of a medieval dungeon torture room. Picking the sinister piece of equipment up, she was quickly surprised to have it snatched from her hands.

"Lily! That is an eyelash curler, not a toy! Use it! Learn it! Love it! It is your friend, your ally!" Emmeline said, her pretty features schooled into a no nonsense glare that would have any four star general quaking in his shiny boots. "Now, sit your cute little bum down and let me get started. We have three hours until you have to make your appearance and I'm going to need every second!"

Lily stifled a groan as her roommate fixed her with another glare that demanded respect. Reconciling herself to her fate, she settled down and prepared herself for the worst. The only thing that kept her sane was the pleasing image of shoving that eyelash curler right up Black's— _ummm_… special place.

Fixing the various bottles, brushes, and containers of cosmetics surrounding her with a glare of mistrust, Lily let out a sigh of acquiescence.

As the seconds ticked by, Lily attempted to pay attention to the steady flow of chitchat emanating from her roommate's mouth but soon found herself distracted. Thinking back over the last week, Lily couldn't help but frown. She had spent the last few days alternately dodging Potter and being forced to complete a few inane favors for her least favorite blackmailer. It seemed that if Black didn't need one thing done, it was something else. Whether it was returning his library books (which she suspected he only took out so she would have to return them) or doing his homework (which he could have completed in his sleep, the berk), Lily had been stretched pretty thin these last couple of days. What better way to balm her wearied soul than to lose her morning to a tedious makeover and her afternoon to a disastrous date?

Life sucked.

Hard.

Praying that her roommate wouldn't stab her in the eye with the mascara wand, Lily sent a dejected look towards the bed, or more precisely, what was _on _the bed: her outfit, chosen by her one and only fashion guru. Grimacing at it and hoping that it got the hint and grew legs to jump out the window, her gaze coated down the dress's length (not that it was very long, it looked like there wasn't enough material to clothe a doll, let alone a redhead with quite a bit of junk in her trunk). The dress was made of fine white cambric with delicate embroidered edges. Was it gorgeous? Yes. Was it her? Bloody well not. Torn from her self-pitying spiel, she realized Em was asking her something.

"Wha?" She mumbled, turning her gaze to the girl who was fluffing her hair. Bloody hell, how many things would her poor strands be subjected to today? They had been washed, blown dry, combed, pulled, straightened, curled. Lily found it surprising that her hair had managed to remain fixed to her scalp after all the persecution it had been subjected to.

"Gosh, Lily," Em said, placing her hands on her hips, "You weren't listening to a word I was saying, were you?"

"No, not really."

"Bloody hell, why do I even try. Well, never mind, I _was_ saying that your transformation was complete. Now, get that dress on and get a move on, you'll be late!"

Rolling her eyes at her roommate, Lily marched over to Em's bed and pulled on the dress and shoes she had generously lent her. Okay, 'lent' might not be the proper word, more like 'chose and then forced her to concede on under pain of death', but whatever.

"Thanks, Em." Lily said, before heading towards the door like a victim towards and execution.

"Wait!" Em said, staring at her roommate in surprise. "Aren't you even going to take a look?"

"Nah," Lily said, attempting to smile at the girl. "I trust you." And with that, she left the room, already cursing the discomfort of her chosen shoes.

Time to face the music, she mused to herself…

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"I still can't believe Evans asked you out, that bird _never_ gets mixed up with guys." Peter said, marveling at James for what seemed like the hundredth time since Evans had popped the unexpected question.

James rolled his eyes at his companion, wishing he would stop bringing that fact up. James leaned against the wall with his friends, along with the rest of the school, waiting for the carriages to take them to Hogsmeade. Well, almost the whole school, everyone except the girl who had turned his world upside down a couple of days ago. Glancing at his watch in what he hoped was a bored manner, he attempted to hide his edginess. All week he had been replaying her proposal over and over in his mind, the way she had looked so cute, standing there in his room. He had been intensely curious about her appearance in their dorm but after he had miraculously been handed a date with her, he stifled his questions and just applauded his marvelous fortune. After years of picking on her and pulling her pigtails in a misguided attempt to hide his infatuation, he had finally been handed a second chance with her and he wasn't going to screw it up. Well, at least he hoped he wasn't. Every time he got within thirty feet of her he magically became a complete jackass, which was proving to be a total killjoy for his love life.

"Honestly, Wormtail, leave the kid alone." Remus said, laughing at James' ill hidden unease. "He's obviously a ball of nerves."

"Am not, wolfie." James said, desperately trying to convey a haughty demeanor.

"Whatever you say, Prongs," Remus said, smiling. "You're bloody whipped."

"Down boy," Sirius said. "Leave poor Jaimsie alone, he's going to have enough to deal with when Red gets here."

"What makes you think she'll show?" James asked, trying to sound at ease.

"Oh, she'll show…" Sirius said, smiling devilishly. "In fact, I bet that's her now." He continued, his announcement caused by a slight hush in conversations. For the past week, everyone had been gossiping about this unprecedented date. In fact, even people who didn't usually go to Hogsmeade were here, wanting to catch what the whole school suspected would be quite a show. Evans-Potter fights were legendary in the school, why should dates be any different?

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Oh, gods.

She was gorgeous.

And he may or may not be hyperventilating.

Fuck.

She was coming this way.

She was weaving through the crowd, shooting glares at the obvious whispering surrounding her. She had done something to her hair. Where it usually was a jumble of cherry curls and tangled waves swept up into a messy bun, it was now a cascade of red curls, framing her sweet pixie face. Now, normally he loved her hair all twisted up on top of her head (sometimes she would stick her wand through it to hold it in place), but the sight of it flowing down all around her made him want to bury his fingers in it and do something very, _very _inappropriate in a public forum.

Yeah, he was an underground sap, so sue him.

"Over here, Evans!" James vaguely heard Sirius yell. Watching her approach, James attempted to both take in the extraordinary sight of her trim legs and formulate a witty greeting all at the same time. No dice.

"Mmmwfln." James said in lieu of his planned 'hey, Evans'. Hoping a deity would have the mercy to kill him now, he blushed as the redhead approached.

"What my mentally deficient friend was trying to say was, 'you look lovely, Lily'." Remus said, smirking at his friend obviously hormone-addled brain.

Glaring at his best mate, James stepped away from the wall and extended his arm to escort Lily to a carriage.

Glancing at the proffered limb, Lily grimaced slightly but a well-placed look from Sirius stopped her instinctual objection. Acquiescing with an unintelligible grumble, Lily accepted the limb and followed James to an open carriage.

"Y'all have a good time now, y'hear!" Remus yelled at their retreating back jokingly.

"And don't overuse your seductive wiles, Evans! I don't want a shotgun wedding 'cause you couldn't keep your knickers on!" Sirius added, chuckling at the glare Prongs was sending over his shoulder as he helped a red-faced Lily into a carriage.

"Aww, our wittle Jaimie is all gwown up!" Peter said, batting his eyelashes teasingly.

"Alright, kiddies," Sirius said, stretching his arms above his head, "Let's get this show on the road. We can't let Prongs have all the fun, can we?"

"Why, Padfoot!" Remus said, pasting a look of false shock on his face, "You cannot mean to cause mischief on Prongs' most monumental rendezvous of the season, can you?"

"Moony, m'dear," Sirius answered, slinging a friendly arm around Remus' neck, "That is exactly what I mean… Come along, _compadres_, there are high jinks to be had!"


	4. Chapter 4

I own nothing from the Harry Potter Universe

I own nothing from the Harry Potter Universe

--

Lily frowned slightly as she attempted to sit properly in her short dress, her forehead crinkling as she discovered how bleedin' difficult it was to sit down gracefully in a dress that could also function as a doily. Not that she was ever exceptionally graceful, having tripped and fallen on her arse more times than perhaps healthy, but still, on one's first date, even if said date is with an arrogant dimwit, one should at least appear to be above such things as engaging in a losing battle with your chosen garb. Bloody hell, fuck it, she decided, propping her legs up on the seat in front of her and sprawling out on the seat.

James' mouth went slightly slack as Lily's legs came to rest by his thigh, her naïve self unaware of the amount of thigh it exposed to his gaze.

Jesus Christ, she was going to kill him. She was going to kill him and she didn't even know it.

With difficulty, he tore his stare from the milky expanse of her thigh and instead focused on her face. Okaaaay, that wasn't the best idea, either. He should have known better than to look into her eyes, because they always made him go all wonky, sooner or later he was going to start waxing poetry and that could only end in tears, he imagined. His tears, of course, 'cause Lily wasn't so much a flowers-and-chocolates-and-romantic-sonnets-kinda-gal, he knew from experience. The things he found fascinating about her was her quirky personality and apparently fathomless depth, fathomless depths that would need to be entertained with conversation. Say something, Potter, he yelled at himself, anything! Something witty and intriguing, something that showcased his fantastic conversational ability. Books! She likes books.

"You like books."

Oh fuck.

Yeah, fantastic conversational abilities, my arse.

She quirked her eyebrow at him.

"I mean, uh—" James stammered, pulling at his collar nervously, "I like books."

Her other eyebrow joined its mate in a skeptical arch.

"No, I mean, I don't like books." He amended, wanting to crack his skull against the wooden wall of the carriage.

Lily almost laughed at the boy's jumpiness, mistaking his nervousness for reluctance to be in her company. About to taunt him for his idiotic rambling, she stopped herself abruptly and remembered Black's ridiculous 'flirting' clause. Fuck, she was going to have to pretend to enjoy this, even if she ended up having to poke her eyes out from sheer exasperation. So… What did one talk about to the infamous James Potter? Well, that's easy.

"So, I hear you're a regular slave-driver on the Quidditch pitch, you must be getting antsy for that—uh, game thingy coming up?"

James' mouth went slack in surprise of her question. He was so shocked by her atypical reference to quidditch that he entirely overlooked her allusion to a match as a 'game thingy'.

"Uh—" Ooh, extra points for articulacy, you big pillock, he thought to himself, "Yeah. Well, with Wilkinson's great seeker skills and my chaser expertise, the cup is pretty much in the bag."

Must not roll eyes at the arrogant twerp, must not roll eyes at the arrogant twerp, Lily mentally chanted. Oh Lordy, he was giving her a funny look, had she said that out loud? Oh well.

Minutes passed in silence, only broken by the occasional creaking of the carriage's wheels. The two teenagers studied the wood paneling adorning the walls as though they were incredibly engrossing, attempting to ignore the awkwardness pervading the air.

Lily let out a little sigh of relief as she saw the little town approaching, smiling at the sight of the patched roofs tottering above the quaint little shops. Smiling nervously as James helped her down from the carriage, she hoped he didn't see her slip slightly as her feet landed on the ground.

"Want to get a butterbeer then hit some shops? James asked nervously, stopping his hand from messing his hair and hastily bringing it to his side.

"Trying to drive me to drink, Potter?" Lily asked, smiling at him and wondering if she sounded flirty enough. Or too flirty. Jesus, this whole teenage hormone extravaganza was hard work.

"You know it, Evans. Although you'll probably become intoxicated from the sheer awesomeness of my personality anyway." James joked back, then realized she probably thought he was being serious. Wanting to slap himself, he waited for a comment concerning the enormity of his ego.

It never came.

Huh?

James opened the door to Madame Rosmerta's and ushered Lily inside. Then, bringing two drinks to the booth she had picked near the leaded windows, he sat down and nervously gulped down some butterbeer.

"So… Potter…" Lily stalled, wondering what to talk to him about, "How's your—er, your family doing?"

Looking slightly surprised at her question, James replied, "Good, Dad's away a lot for work, what with this wack job psycho wizard Voldemort on the loose, and Mum's working on her next book. Dad's an Auror and Mum edits textbooks for Pueblo's Publishing House."

"Wow, I didn't know your Dad was an Auror, must be kinda nerve-wracking when he's on a mission, plus with that insane wizard on the rise."

"Well, he heads up the department now, so he isn't on the field as much, but who knows what is going to happen when Voldemort really starts gathering followers."

Lily shuddered at the turn of conversation. "Yeah, this whole situation is so insane, I mean, don't these people realize what their trying to do? Inbreeding is going to catch up on them, bunch of wankers. They won't be so smug when they have three arms and a head growing out of their arse"

"Yeah…" James agreed, laughing. Bringing his drink to his lips James allowed himself to sneak a look at Lily when she was drinking. God, she was gorgeous. Tearing his eyes away so as not to make her think he was a total creeper, he searched his mind for different topics.

Opening his mouth, he was about to attempt to wow her with a witty Marauder story, he slammed it shut as he saw his friends walking their way with a tray full of drinks and a trio of devious smiles.

Oh gods.

Keep walking.

Don't you dare sit down!

Christ.

"Hey lovebirds." Remus, Peter and Sirius said, looking for all the world like they were up to something.

Fuck.


	5. Chapter 5

I own nothing from the Harry Potter Universe

--

_Dedicated to e. jameson, thanks for the motivation!_

--

James glared. He scowled. He even glowered, yet for all his work he only recieved a matching set of three smirks.

Damned friends.

"Fancy meeting you here!" Sirius said, his face a perfect mask of surprise. "Isn't this such a wild coincidence, Moony?"

Remus smirked. "Indeed it is, Siri. Shocking, some might say." He sat down at the table and smiled at his frind's outrage.

"Yeah," Lily countered, "seeing how it is the only bar in the entire village and surrounding area. Pillocks." Great, just great, all she needed now was rectal surgery and this was the best day ever!

"Now now, Lilianna," Sirius said, his tone playful, " Sarcasm is the lowest form of humour. Now, what were we talking about?"

"You. Leaving." James grated out.

"No... that wasn't it... Hmmm... Weren't we just discussing that party coming up? The one in our Commmon Room tomorrow?" Sirius said. He glanced towards Lily, predicting with amazing accuracy her exact level of outrage. These prefects were just too easy.

"There's no party tomorr--" Lily started to say, her brow furrowed in confusion, only to be interrupted by Sirius.

"Yes there is, I decided just now. Just a few intimate friends, a few loose-moralled Ravenclaws, a few drinks. A shindig, if you will." Sirius said.

"You can't just _decide_ to have a party! You have to ask the Head of Gryffindor, you have to get a noise permit, their are all sorts of--" Lily began, losing her voice and her steam as she watched Sirius finger something in his bag on his shoulder. Something that looked suspiciously like her notebook.

She shut up.

"As I was saying," Sirius resumed. "A party is just what we need before the big game on Sunday." He grinned at Lily, only to be met with a scowl.

"Oh, look at that! Our drinks are gone, Come on, Lils, we'll go get some more." Sirius said, flashing her a winning smile.

"Bugger off, Siriu--" James said.

"--No, it's fine." Lily mumbled, pushing her chair back and grabbing the glasses with more force than necessary.

The two students walked off towards the bar, one grinning, the other glaring.

"You can't just plan a party and expect--"

"Quiet, Lils," Sirius interrupted, "Save your breath, you might need it for when you ask Jamie to the party tomorrow."

"What! But I have homework! And... and I need to organize my... sock drawer." She finished lamely.

"Wow, I always knew you were a keeper." Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "But sadly your crazy wacky adventures will have to wait for another time. Unless, of course, you want me to post your sexy smut all over the--"

His comment was interupted by a jab to his ribs.

"Shh!" Lily whispered harshly, looking around wildly, checking for any eavesdropppers.

"Chill, Lils," Sirius said, dropping money and a generous tip on the counter. "Come on, we'll have to hurry back so you can ask Jamie on that walk. Oh, and to give him that kiss while you're on it."

"Walk? _KISS?_" Lily screeched, praying she had misheard him.

"Yep. C'mon."

Lily gaped as he walked away, carrying the tray of drinks. Briefly she wondered if this whole thing was worth it, but soon realized she had no other choice. It was bad enough that Sirius Black knew her little secret, she couldn't deal with it if the whole freaking school was in on it as well. And what would James think?

That last thought bothered her as she dragged her feet back towards the table, barely registering that it had now attracted a couple groupies. Rolling her eyes at Sirius' obvious smirk, she didn't even ask James to go, she just grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the door, ignoring Remus and Sirius' lewd catcalls at her sudden eagerness.

--

James smiled dumbly as he glanced down at Lily's hand grasping his, pulling him towards the exit. As the cooler air hit him, he swallowed nervously and hoped fervently that she wouldn't release his hand.

She did.

Bugger.

Grinning shyly at her, he internally freaked out at being alone with her again.

"Ummm... Wanna hit the shops?" He asked, racking his brain for something witty and entertaining to say and cursing himself when he came up blank.

"Not really, I don't have a lot of extra cash, so I didn't bring any..."

It was on the tip of his tongue to offer to buy her whatever she wanted, but then remembered that she probably would think it arrogance instead of generosity.

"Why don't we go for a walk?" She asked.

"Ok." _Clever, James_, he thought to himself, _way to wow her with your fab conversation skills._

The two students started walking, both hoping the other wasn't feeling awkward.

"So..." Lily said "Umm... Have you thought about what you want to be? After Hogwarts, I mean."

"No fucking clue. You?"

"Not sure." Lily answered. "I like Astronomy, but it doesn't really apply to anything."

" You could teach at Hogwarts," James said, liking the way Lily's skin was tinged pink from the outside wind.

"Yeah, as if Sinistra is _EVER _going to retire! She's been there as long as some of the planets have."

The two chuckled softly.

"But, seriously," Lily said, "I have no idea. Maybe I could get an internship somewhere or something. University is _way _out of my price range and some of the requirements for Ministry positions are crazy! I don't know what I want to do. I'd like to start a family, but you kinda need two to tango, y'know?."

James' eyes opened in surprise. He had never hear Lily mention this desire to marry anyone.

"Yeah, I know, weird, eh?" She asked, noticing his look of surprise " A sixteen year old already wanting kids, crazy."

"No!" James said, a little to loudly. "I mean, er, no, it's not crazy. I think about things like that."

"Mmmhmm.." Lily said, smirking.

"I do!" James replied. "It's just a matter of finding the right girl. Seriously."

"Uhhuh. Right."

"Seriously!" James repeated.

"Ok. And your predilection for a different girlfriend each week? That's just about _finding the right girl_? She must be hidden exceptionally well."

James stared at Lily's amused face. _Not so much hidden, as much as oblivious, _he thought to himself.

"Alright, James, tell me about her, then, this 'perfect' girl." Lily said.

Staring into her green eyes, James tried to find his voice.

"Well... She's bright. And clever. Funny and vivacious. She can laugh at herself but she knows when to take you seriously. Sweet and soft and adorable, she can get right pissed when you push her too far. Winsome and enchanting and goddamned infuriating. Annoying and bewitching and provoking. She'd give you anything and ask nothing in return. She's generous and hilarious and hot as hell. She's perfect." James said, his words trailing off as he stared into Lily's eyes. They had long since stopped walking and he took advantage of the oppurtunity to look his fill into Lily's expressive face.

--

Lily was stunned. And a little turned on, actually. She had never seen James so passionate about something, not even Quidditch. His whole face came alive as he described her, this perfect woman. Sudden jealousy ate at Lily as she was suddenly blinded by the vision of another girl in James' arms, his face alive with love and happiness.

"Well, you don't ask much, do you?" Lily asked, trying to sound lighthearted and failing miserably. Glancing up, her eyes connected with his and the softness in his gaze surprised her. He really was beautiful, with his warm brown eyes and his full lips. She wondered how she had never noticed before. Feeling off centred by his passionate speech and his dark good looks, she did the only thing she could think off.

She kissed him.

Boy, did she kiss him.


End file.
